This is Twice Now

I am a glutton for punishment.

I just want to know if they think of me as often as I think of them.

Maybe it was always this way. Maybe I always cared more. 

Maybe I just saw things that weren’t there.

I keep having panic attacks at night because I think someone is in the apartment. I know no one is, because I keep hearing the same sounds and whenever I come out to check there is never anyone out here. But even when I try to be rational, because I know no one is in here, I still get worked up to the point where I feel sick. The first time it happened, I was fully prepared to jump out the window because the dishwasher was on and I couldn’t calm down.

I don’t know. Maybe I’m just going through a rough patch. But I’m starting to have trouble sleeping again. I had minor insomnia for awhile and I’m pretty sure it’s a bad sign that it’s suddenly coming back again.